This topic was the reason I decided to create a blog.

Eloping. I have no idea why in 2017, this is still seen as such a taboo topic. Maybe not taboo but it does have a general negative connotation associated it.

I’ve been asked multiple times since we announced that we had eloped, why we did it. The ‘right’ answer I guess would be ‘because we love each other and didn’t want to wait’ and while in part that is true, we were happy never getting married. Due to German Law and my visa situation, the easiest and most effective solution was for us to marry and for me to use Andrews visa as his spouse. De Facto relationships although recognized didn’t warrant me to a spouse visa, we needed to be legally married. The Tax Break in Germany for married couples is an added bonus.

We had been together 5 years at this point and we both thought we would do it eventually just not this soon. ‘Why don’t you fly back and do it in Australia so everyone can witness it?’ we were asked by the very few that knew beforehand. We had considered it, Andrew and I had long discussions about whether we should or not, but ultimately it didn’t sit right with me getting married in Australia. 

I was happy to never be married. It is something that Andrew and I had discussed and we both come from broken homes and ultimately knew that a marriage doesn’t always mean forever. We have lived together for years and have a life together so it wasn’t a high priority for either of us. I promised myself years ago, probably about the time I met some incredible human beings, that I wouldn’t get married until everybody could get married in Australia. As of October 2017, Australia, a country that holds the title of world’s most liveable city 7 years in a row, still does not recognize and offer equality. I was in tears telling Andrew that I didn’t want to have a big celebration and get married in front of everyone when a lot of my nearest and dearest currently can’t, especially since neither of us had a strong desire to do it.

When we realized that marriage was the best solution for us to continue in Germany, I don’t think I have ever been so upset. As Andrew pointed out, Germany not only recognizes same-sex marriages performed overseas (something that Australia at this stage does not) it has also just legalized same sex marriage. Whilst we eloped before the first same-sex wedding occurred in Germany, the vote and law had passed beforehand. I rationalized that since we were eloping in a country that legalized same sex marriage, it wasn’t as hypocritical as I thought.

That was until, this bullshit public survey appeared in Melbourne. This ‘respectful’ debate. The Supreme Court knocking down the appeal, allowing the Government to do a ‘non compulsory, non binding’ survey on whether same sex marriage should be legalized. This hurt. I balled my eyes out to Andrew when it became apparent this postal vote was going ahead, I didn’t want to elope anymore, I didn’t want to get married with this shit going on back in Australia. I didn’t want to hide something from my friends that might cause them anguish but at the same time I didn’t want to flaunt the fact that we could get married.

As the debate went on, Andrew kept reminding me that this was the right thing for us to do. Reading the comments that people would leave on Marriage Equality pages with homosexuals being referred to as ‘rapists’ ‘faggots’ ‘second class citizens’, I was crying reading these. As more and more people in my life that are affected by this, was switching off social media to avoid the shit storm, taking holidays, blogging and vlogging about how shit this thing was, I couldn’t take it. Andrew came home one day to me in tears in a corner telling him I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t get married when people close to me are having to defend their choice of partner. This was the moment that we had to tell people outside of our parents.

I didn’t want it to seem at all like we were rubbing people’s faces in our decision to get married let alone make it worse or make anyone feel like they are worth less than another person. We are all equal and I’m hoping the majority of Australians agree with that. Everyone has been so supportive since and can only hope this public vote in November swings in the way of equality so everyone else can be as happy as we are.

Much love,

J x